Rollercoasters, we’ve all either been on one or watched one in motion. They are loud, fast, scary, and thrilling. It’s a great analogy for relationships, they are also loud, fast, scary and thrilling.
You either buckle up for the thrill, or you’re stuck below watching the ride in progress. Relationships, whether they are in long-term or marriages, have their own unique ebbs and flows.
It’s a constant battle of up and down, side to side. At first, your stomach is in knots and the butterflies are fluttering in your stomach. You can’t get enough of that person and there isn’t a single flaw you can find.
It’s as if your brain is in a fog and any normal reasoning is shut out. Love is one of the single greatest feelings in the world, and if you’re lucky to have felt that feeling that you can relate.
But like the rollercoaster, there are going to be dips and sharp turns ahead. It’s how you handle yourself in those moments that determine the longevity of your relationship.
There are two people in the relationship, but it only takes one person to sabotage it. Music and poetry feature great descriptions of the best parts of relationships and also the worst.
As you’re ascending in the ride, it’s a mixture of thrill and anticipation. Much like the beginning of a relationship you are anticipating what’s going to happen next, and could this last? Will I be the one to sabotage it in the end? Will he/she like the real me? Am I good enough?
These are a lot of the emotions that surface in the beginning. On a first date, you generally don’t lay all your baggage out for the other person to see. You want them to see the better parts of yourself. In a nutshell you’re selling your personality to the other person.
Think to when you first see the Rollercoaster, its shiny, bright, and people are, for the most part laughing getting on and off. You don’t see the fear on their faces as the wind is whipping them in the face, or the ones with their eyes closed so tight wishing the ride to end.
It’s the tense moments and how we handle them, that most people aren’t privy to. In this day and age, we are exposed to personal information and private moments thanks to Social Media. We all have that friend that over shares to make it appear that their life is perfect, but we all know that when the door closes ( or the person logs off ) it’s a different story.
The advice I can give it based on that of a woman, as we are from Venus, it is hard for me to give perspective from a male, as I am not.
- When you hit the part of relationship where you feel every bump and curve make sure you have a firm grip on your spouse. When I am fighting with my spouse, sometimes all I want him to do is to hold my hand and tell me that no matter what, he’s not going anywhere. Although those vows are spoken, we always need the reassurance that we dredging this hard road together, and he has no plans on taking the short cut and calling it quits.
- Be careful for those grenades. There is an Old Italian saying that the tongue can break bones, and that saying couldn’t be any truer. In the heat of the moment you often can throw out the “grenade”, its easy way out to throw out insults because you’re so worked up and you just want to hurt the person. You often can’t come back from that moment. Often times women bury the hurt but trust me, just because you can’t see the wound, doesn’t mean it didn’t leave a scar.
- Observe the music they are listening to. This may seem odd, but often times the choices of music we choose says more then we are willing to say. It’s easier to listen to heart broken songs when we are upset then express our feelings. It may be that we don’t feel safe enough emotionally or we just need to express ourselves and music is the safest outlet.
- Affection…… Listen closely men, we want to have affection which means not by grabbing our butts or breasts. There is a time and place when we do want to be ravished, but we also want those endearing moments. Grab our hands in the parking lot, kiss us hello and goodbye, hug us from behind when we least expect it. Nothing feels better than when you slightly lead us into a room with your hand on the small of our backs.
- Take an interest in what we are doing, even if it something that interests you. If they are reading a book, ask what it’s about. If she is watching something as silly as a Reality TV show act interested.
- Lastly, we are ever evolving creatures and how we are one to the next is constantly changing. Not to say we are over emotional, but we need all of the things above on a constant basis. Never think you have us figured out because you don’t. I know in my relationship I love constant affirmations. Tell me I’m beautiful when I am done up and when I am not. Make that effort to make us feel as if your world revolves around them.
I know that these few pointers can also be used towards men as well. We all want to feel valued and treasured by our spouses. These little affirmations aren’t hard to do or take up much time at all.
When you’ve been on the ride for a long time and you’re hitting those dips and turns, remember the person you fell in love with.
Take that extra time to ask them about their day, grab their hand when walking or even if you’re just watching tv on the couch, and lastly kiss them like their won’t be a tomorrow, because you never know when it could be your last.
As you embark on this crazy ride that is love, remember those feelings you had from the beginning. It’s easy to forget that as the ride comes to an end. You don’t often have the time to get back on the ride, so enjoy it while you can and make the best of it.
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