In a world where “whatever you like” is a click or swipe away for most single men at any time, on any given day and the ratio of women to men is on an increase in most cities, some single women feel that the probability of attracting and keeping a “good man” depends on what she does to show him that she is interested in him.
Finding someone he can have stimulating conversation with, but not be too chatty, who laughs at his jokes and likes to have fun, is confident, kind and genuinely interested in getting to know him, men believe is truly hard to find.
And when he does find her, he invites her to spend as much time with him as she can, because to him – she is a unicorn. Right? Well, yes and no.
To her finding someone she can vibe with is- even harder because of the ratio of women to men. So for her, if she recognizes that there is a definite chemistry between the two of them and a genuine interest from her in getting to know him better, then she does not want him to slip away. It’s perfect! Almost too good to be true.
The conversation happens easily between them. It’s not pushed. Their values are aligned and he makes her laugh. Absolutely, she wants to spend as much time getting to know him as he makes available to her. If HE is asking her out, then why not be accommodating and graciously accept all of his date invitations?
I say, In the 2nd edition of my book, Date Girl 143 Reasons Why I Believe Women Should Date Multiple Men (With NO Intimacy) that men love to chase, love competition and love the act of pursuing a woman they are interested in.
A man, who is interested in getting to know you better, who enjoys your company may ask you out and try to wrap up as many days and as much time as he can with you because he is curious about you- ALL OF YOU.
After 4-5 dates out and about town, he will sooner than later invite you over to his place or casually invite himself to your place. He will bring a bottle of wine and you all will spend a relaxing night in watching a movie together.
You start making out. One thing leads to another. You feel sure he is moving the relationship forward with all of the attention and time he is giving you and BAM! You all have sex.
After that evening, he still calls, he still invites you out- sometimes but things are different. Something has changed about him. You are confused. He is tripping and just like all the other guys as far as you are concerned- they don’t know what they want.
What if I told you that the number one thing that will keep a guy who is obviously very interested in getting to know you interested in continuing to get to know you is (1) kindly decline some of his date invitations (2) NO SEX?
Although he may constantly ask you out, he doesn’t want you to allow him to take him up on every single invitation and he definitely does not want you to have sex with him – even if he initiates it and is very convincing.
He instead wants to see if he is right about you- Are you a unicorn? The unicorn that he excitedly at date 4 told his friends about how he met this wonderful girl? Are you special? Different from all the rest? You are a mystery to him that he wants to slowly uncover, no matter what he says. He is turned on and likes that about you.
It is part of the chase for him. And believe me, he enjoys EVERY minute of that chase and the pursuit of uncovering the mystery of you.
If you have a man engaged in you with an urge to want to date and learn more about you, this is a very critical point in establishing a strong connection to him during the initial dating process.
No matter how fast he goes, take your time. He will, in the end, respect and appreciate that after he moves past his ego and the disappointment that you will not give him what he wants.
It is usually during the beginning of the dating phase that we get so excited about a connection that, in an effort to let him know that we are interested in him, we try to move the needle forward with him by being “too” available and anxious to change our schedule to accommodate his constant request for dates, suggesting other “future” dates and giving him a piece of us that should be held until he shows himself deserving.
Those choices, in essence will work against the very thing that we want to happen – him to stay interested in getting to know us and moving the relationship closer.
What should you do after you have met a guy who you feel could be a long-term dating possibility? Well, after each date, let him know that you appreciate him by calling him to let him know that you had a great time and enjoyed the date with him very much. Do not text him. Call him. Then allow him the space to pursue you.
How can a chase happen if something is always there and available? Chasing is something that Mr. Right will welcome doing to win the opportunity to spend time with you. For a real man to consider seeing you in his life long term, he has to be able to see what it feels like to miss you first.
That all starts during the initial dating phase of you all getting to know each other. The more you start putting in too much work to make yourself available, you will fill the space showing him that you like him.
After that, there is not any space for him to pursue filling. Not being around as much and definitely not giving into sexual advances, will give him the space to think about you, desire you, want to push into you as you pull away from him.
Now, the times you are with him, its important that you show him how much you enjoy his company and appreciate him.
Be into him, not on your phone. Be fun, fully engaged and present, not boring. Couple that with not being available all the time because you are concentrating on YOU- putting energy into you by doing things that you enjoy doing outside of him (whether its a hobby, volunteer organization, mentoring young kids, traveling and enjoying your life) will draw him close to you and make him desire and stay interested in you.
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