We all love sex and often during the act we get carried away, perhaps going too far with the dirty talk or getting into that position that only a Yogi should. That is understandable. However, there are some things that you should never say when having sex.
With those love hormones being released like endorphins and oxytocin they can easily compel you to say things that may be offensive to your partner that will ruin that intimate moment. It is not what any reasonable person would want.
Some of the things that one says during sex may seem right to you, even though they are far from okay. Here is a list of 11 things you should never utter during sex –
1. Did You Just Fart?
Women with protruding labia and tight vaginas are more susceptible to vaginal farts or ‘queefs’.
These may occur during sex, exercise or sudden movements that cause a release of air that may sound anything like a bum fart to a growling sound similar to an upset cat.
During sex the doggie position causes this vaginal flatulence the most because as the penis or sex toy is thrusting it is filling up the Uterus with air. When the bottom is lowered this air escapes causing ‘queefing’.
Fast and deep penetration will also fill the uterus with air as generally the vagina and cervix will relax to accommodate energetic and powerful sex, again filling the uterus with air that will have to escape.
In most cases the expulsion of air is odorless but many women are highly embarrassed that their body produces* this sound.
However when this embarrassing and funny sound occurs during sex the last thing the lady wants to hear is, ‘Did you just fart?’ and you can rest assured that the treasured moment was lost if you wanted to continue with your sexual liaison.
If you are not comfortable with that fart’ sound, it would be best to just change the sex position. That way, your attention will not be diverted. You will also not be tempted to ask your partner if it is indeed a fart.
2. My Ex Used To!
As much as you want to boast on how much you have experienced sex before, you must refrain from comparing your current partner with your ex. One thing for sure is that different people have different tastes and styles in sex.
What one person likes is not necessarily what another will. You should not imply that the performance of one person in bed may not be the same as the performance of another they may be just different.
The fact that your current partner uses a different approach to arouse you sexually does not mean that you should equate him or her with another person.
Even if you feel that your ex performed better* than what you are experiencing with your current partner, refrain from making remarks that will not only be demeaning but cause friction and anger in your current relationship. You should never make your partner feel jealous or inadequate.
To truly enjoy your partner do not compare them to an ex but on what they are doing for you. Let them feel appreciated for his personalized performance during sex. Show them that you are indeed enjoying what is being given and that you are grateful to be with them.
Above all never allow your lover to feel that they are there in the place of another person, reinforce that you are in the here and now sharing the moment, and that is the way it should be.
3. I Love You (On the First Date)
There is love and desire. This is something that must be distinguished. If you have managed to go out on a first date which has led to sex you must never say, ‘I love you’. Love takes time to grow.
It will take time before you are convinced that you indeed love that person genuinely. If you shout out‘I love you’ you probably do not mean it and the person you are with will know that too!
Often, on a first date there will be dinner, wine and a good time. The reason you agreed to this date was probably the physical and chemical attraction between you is strong.
The hunger for sexual contact is great and once the act occurs with the release of the love hormones you may be tempted, especially just before or during orgasm to yell out these words as this is fake love and will either be seen by your partner as being just that or that you are overly needy.
4. Do You Want Some?
This is one of the questions that can be easily misinterpreted before sex. In most cases, it is men who tend to ask it and it will probably land on your partner that they are the only one wanting sex, or that the person asking the question is not really interested in sex/them or finally that the sex between them is not that great or treasured.
The desire for sex at its best should be natural and spontaneous, arousal cannot be forced. If someone is not in the mood, they are not in the mood.
Asking someone ‘Do you want some’ may be offending if delivered clinically, rather spend some intimate time together, carry out some sensual foreplay that will deliver sexual experiences in a more holistic and rewarding way.
You will not have to ask your partner this question as you will be involved in better* sex by doing these simple things.
5. How Many People Have You Slept With?
This is wrong on a number of fronts and is a definite mood killer if you are having sex or just about to have sex. At these particular times it is a direct offence to your partner.
The question should not be asked during sex and as it is not the time or place to do so and can easily turn off your partner.
If you really want the answer it should be asked whilst having a friendly drink at the pub or some other social setting where the question does not become incorrect because of the timing and place.
There may be legitimate reasons for asking this, maybe for your own personal sexual wellness and safety. You may not want to fall victim of STIs, or you may not have many sexual partners and are trying to find out who has the more sexual prowess.
There is always a better* way of handling things instead of asking your partner is he/she has slept with other people in the past as that moment should be intimate and not as a subject of discovery.
If you are sleeping with a person for the very first time and you do not know their sexual behaviors of the past, it would be wise to propose protection instead of asking offending questions.
Wearing a condom will instill the mentality of safety in both you and your partner, this time in a more friendly way. It is easy for a woman or a man to interpret the question wrongly and feel demeaned. The question becomes even more offensive when asked mid-sex. It will definitely ruin the precious moment.
6. Do It Like This
Sex is not a training session and in most cases a coach is not needed unless it is a professional to help develop a couple’s relationship. The sexual experience should involve finding out what each other wants and their desires.
The two people should come to a mutual point of agreement and satisfaction. Neither one should dictate to their partner what they should or should not do during sex. Giving too many instructions will actually ruin the mood for one of the participants.
Another negative statement that is often used is ‘Don’t do it like that’. If you are not enjoying something your lover is doing speak to them honestly and let them know. If you are embarrassed to speak up change the sexual position or scene.
But when used in the form of dictation or an instruction on what to do during sex it will make the recipient feel that they are in a training session and that their loving acts are not seen as adequate.
Instructions should only feature if you have both agreed that you will be learning how to have better* sex together. If the instructions are only one sided and not agreed upon it is also bordering on forced sex.
7. Are You Done Yet?
There are several ways in which one can interpret this statement. First, asking if one has cum already may be taken to imply that you are not interested in having sex with him or her. It is an indirect way of communicating disinterest in sex, particularly with that person.
It creates an impression that they cannot wait for the other person to be done with the sexual act and leave. In short, this can be really demeaning and discouraging for your partner.
For a man the statement can also be taken to mean that he has a small penis. Asking such a question means that she can hardly feel the penis inside, probably due to its small size. Most women like a man with some size and for men with smaller sized penises this can be an issue.
Most men want a bigger penis and already have issues like lacking self-esteem because of their perceived micro-penis. Nothing will blow a man’s pride more than this statement and it will be received as a huge insult to their manhood.
8. Can’t You Get Any Harder?
Excluding penile dysfunction, there are a number of reasons why a man will not get rock hard during sex. Alcohol consumed during the evening will bring down the barrier and make a woman relax and want sex badly however with men alcohol often has the other effect causing droopy dick syndrome and making a statement like this will not help the situation.
2nd time round. A woman often takes a lot longer for a man to orgasm but when turned on will be able to achieve multiple orgasms the longer the sex often increases* a woman’s carnal desires.
However once a man ejaculates it will generally take at least ten minutes and up to an hour before he is recharged and ready for sex again. Unfortunately by that stage the woman would be angry over her sexual frustration and the moment will be lost.
Many men will try to satisfy their partners but only find their penises semi erect prompting the statement that will make the man feel inadequate.
9. That’s How I’ve Always Done It!
The last thing you want to do is make your partner feel that they are inadequate in bed or that you have such a sexual history that you are the expert and your partner the novice.
In all probability if something has been requested or raised it is because the position or act was not as pleasurable as it could have been and the uttering of this statement shows that you are not willing to improve* on your lovemaking techniques and show a stubbornness and selfishness’s that is far from attractive.
Rather than make such a braggart statement ask how your partner would prefer it to be done. Experiment to find a remedy that will suit you both.
This will allow you to become a better* lover and you partner to feel heard, loved and satisfied. Sex is a game of performance and satisfaction. All you need is to give it your best and shot and your partner will appreciate it.
Actions should speak louder than mere words. Even if it is your first meeting, just aim at giving the best without bragging.
10. I’ll Do It For You!
It is not the time to make yourself feel special in the eyes of your partner. If your lover wants to do something and you are willing to just go right ahead and enjoy it. You do not have to make them feel as if you are giving them a sexual favor as favors come with strings.
Sex is meant to be a mutually satisfying and saying that you will do something only for your partner will make it feel to them that you are not going to enjoy it and there will be a debt to pay afterward. This is a definite mood killer.
After Sex – The question You Should Never Ask
11. Was It Good For You?
This is a question often asked after sex but is the question that should never be asked. Often it is asked after a not so good sex session from the person that probably in their hearts new that they did not perform well.
Sex is a joint action but if someone’s heart, body or mind is not in it, the act may not be as pleasurable for both.
Trying to find some sort of redemption for not being ‘totally into it’ or not performing well is an attempt to receive some form of affirmation. Let’s be honest both parties will know whether the sex was hot and sizzling or on the other side ordinary and mundane.
There is no reason to ask this question. Ataraxi in a post on Reddit articulately describes how she would react to this question
‘If I ever had someone literally ask me “was it good for you too”I would never fuck them again.’
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