Updated: 2019, Aug 21

Your Sex Life Is Only As Old As You Feel – By Kendal Williams

Your Sex Life Is Only As Old As You Feel – By Kendal Williams

Sky Diving.
Swimming with sharks.
Skinny dipping.
Dancing naked on the beach under the moon and stars.
Having sex on the hood of your car while a concert lets out.

Say What?

Who does that last one? No mature, respectable adult for sure. No, most certainly not. Perhaps some crazy teenagers or college kids, right?

Let me share a little tale with you, as anyone who follows me might already know, I always have a tale to shed light on a topic. And YES, they are all true.

My lover and I were enjoying a concert filled night in downtown Dallas. We had gone out to dinner and had a great conversation at a scrumptious restaurant, followed up with some kissing and laughter as always. Then we headed off to the concert stadium where thousands of people poured into the doors to enjoy the evening’s music. We sat and listened, sang along, swayed with the crowd and shared some intimate words. The words worked their way down passed our hearts though and ignited the youthfulness that we both feel. We decided that the intimacy and sharing was going deeper than anticipated for a concert, so we left 15 minutes early.

There we were in a cement parking tower with parked vehicles all around. The cool night air blowing through the lot when my lover decided to kiss me. My arousal was already so intense that I instantly pulled him into me as I leaned back on the front of his car. His hands taking me closer and his fingers finding their way down to my heated, moist feminine parts. I had not worn underwear this night, so it was easy to access under my dress.

One heated, passionate kiss to the next and before either of us knew what was happening I found myself on the hood of the car with my legs spread open and my lover devouring me right there in the parking lot. My moans echoing through the cement rows of parked cars. The wetter I got the more he wanted to penetrate me and so he did. Thrusting and rubbing, kissing and moaning as though we never noticed that the concert crowd was letting out and people were slowly making their way to their vehicles around us. Cars pulling out and driving by, we never stopped. We slowed our rhythm but did not stop, not until we had penetrated each other’s hearts with the desire to take it deeper and more open which would mean going home, home to fully reveal ourselves to each other and bathe in our orgasmic bliss.

Orgasmic Bliss

So what does this have to do with anything health related and why the heck would I as a sex and relationship coach be sharing or supporting the idea of such foolishness? Outside of it making for a hot fantasy. But there you have it, let’s keep it as a fantasy. Right?

The reality is that science is proving that your sex life is only as old as you feel and this ladies and gents is the making for some youthful sex here. In our youth, we are adventurous, playful, spontaneous and we just don’t care. The adrenaline rush is just as fun as the actual sex happening. The possibility of getting caught, or extra messy or it being dangerous makes it exciting. Turns us on. However, as we age, as we “mature” we learn that these things are not okay and they are not what adults do. “Adulting is about being serious, about stress and lack of fun and play,” as my twenty-year-old daughter would sarcastically say. After all, one needs to act their age.

Or Do We?

According to a study done by the University of Waterloo, published recently in the Journal of Sex Research[1] our subjective age, as well as our aging attitudes, have just as much effect on the quality and our interest in sex and intimacy as does our actual physical age and health. I can tell you that at the physical age of 41 years I am more turned on and interested in sex than I was ten short years ago and I am confident that in ten years from now that I will be just as turned on by sex and have the desire for it still. My lover above who I share the tale of is in his early 50’s and still craving sex like a twenty-year-old man. His drive, ability to make love for hours and connectivity are better than most men in their twenties or even thirties. Personal experience tells me that the Waterloo study is accurate. But why?

In my coaching practice of working with hundreds of couples over the last decade, the ones that are most challenged are the ones that have a partner that is caught up in their aging process or in the aging of their partner. The sabotaging programs and beliefs wrapped around aging is what kills the drive so often. As well as one’s ability to be playful in all of life, not just the bedroom.

Sex is so important to our well-being[2]. It serves us not just as a pleasure tool, but it supports good physical health, especially heart health, hormone function, and sleep. As we age if we are not having adequate sex then:

Having adequate sex

Men May Experience

  • Lack of desire
  • Difficulty keeping an erection
  • Overall poor health
  • Depression and/or anxiety
  • Lack of confidence

Women May Experience

  • Lack of desire
  • Hormonal imbalances
  • Vaginal dysfunctions
  • Overall poor health
  • Poor body image and confidence

So why do so many people choose to ever limit their sex? And especially as they age? It comes back to our subjective age simply put subjective age means, “How old do you feel?”

I can recall when I turned thirty, so many of my friends and family told me that now everything would change. I was going to gain a bunch of weight, get wrinkly, tired and a bunch of illness would fall upon me. Well, at 41 none of this has happened yet, except for a few extra gray hairs.

Just last week I shared a photo on Facebook and an old friend of mine commented saying, “Don’t you ever age?” this was such a compliment because of course, I age physically just like anyone else but in my mind and heart, I still have the youthfulness and playful spunk of my 16-year-old self except I have more confidence in myself and life now than I did back then.

Today we look at aging as something bad, we honor and adore youth. We Botox, zap, cover up and photoshop our years away, never embracing the beauty, honor and privilege that we are being given to age.

Art of laughter

Being youthful does not mean looking young or being silly stupid like we were in our teens. We understand that there are consequences for our actions that it takes the time to develop things and that at the end of the day we need to still get some rest and get up in the morning and take care of things.

We understand all of this but yet we disrespect aging. Aging if done well means wisdom. And if we open ourselves to gaining wisdom then we should have the wisdom to get wild and crazy between the sheets, we should laugh at our flaws and we should delve deep into the art of laughter, joy and play.

Attitude Is Where It Is At!

If you have the attitude that aging equals illness, loss of interest in life and sex, slowing down and being serious about everything, losing your joy. Then this will predict what you will experience. If you have the attitude that aging is about gaining wisdom and embracing your joy in each moment, that it is about being right with yourself and sharing your love with life, then this will predict your experience in your older years. If you believe that sex after 50 can be just as good as sex in your 30’s, then it will be!

You May Also Want To Read8 Myths About Sex And Aging

So, Make It So

Here are a few tip’s to have sex and intimacy as hot in your golden years as it was in your “prime”: Self- Discovery and Finding Your Turn On

Ask yourself
  • Ask yourself, “How old do I feel?”
  • What makes me laugh and giggle?
  • What makes me feel loved?
  • What sexual fantasy or playful thing have I always wanted to do that I have not yet done?
  • What turns me on in life? (really consider all areas of life, not just your sex here)

Once you have the answers to these questions support your sex life with these 4 Tips for Sexual Aging No Matter How Old You Are:

1. Staying Sexually Fit

This means get sexorcising! Men who have more consistent penile activity (touch) have an easier time getting and keeping an erection. Women who have more clitoral and vaginal touch have more natural lubrication, the elasticity of the vaginal skin is healthier and stronger and orgasm happens easier.

If you are single, then get self- pleasuring and find some “playmates” as well. Masturbation is great, but it’s not the end all be all and can have ill effects if it is all you are getting. We are built for human connection and sex is better if it’s got, two players.

2. Take Care Of Your Physical Health

Our diets, exercise and thinking have a massive impact on our sexual health. If you are not staying properly hydrated, are not eating a well-balanced diet focused on clean foods, heavy in fruits and vegetables and if you are instead living on processed foods with high levels of chemicals, sugars, sodium and simple carbohydrates and too much fat then you will not be enjoying optimum sex or health.

Exercise keeps you strong and fit. It impacts more than just our looks and weight but also our organ health. So, get moving and eating clean!

3. Meditation

Meditation is a practice of calming the mind. It does not mean that you stop all thinking. It simply means that you are not attaching to any thought. Easier said than done. But, even the most novice of meditators finds an abundance of reward in this simple practice. Reducing stress helps to reduce fatigue, helps your body and mind regenerate quicker, improves sleep and overall well-being.

4. Play

Playfulness

This I cannot stress enough to you. The importance of playfulness. Allow yourself to be a big kid. Laugh every opportunity you get. Laugh at yourself especially. Find humor in life. Go on adventures. Try new things.
New foods, new destinations, new sexual ideas. Be spontaneous! Play is all about spontaneity. More than likely somewhere along the line you lost this and it is time to allow it back into your life.

Conclusion

Whether you are 25, 45, 65 or 80 you are never too old to have a robust sex life. Get playful and creative and give yourself permission to enjoy the sex you are craving. After all, it’s good for maintaining a healthy relationship and a healthy body and mind!

Read Also: 10 Best Ways That Will Improve Sex As You Grow Older

Image Credits
Feature Image: Shutterstock.com
In-Post Image: Shutterstock.com
References
[1] University of Waterloo Study: The Effects of Subjective Age and Aging Attitudes on Mid- to Late-Life Sexuality The Journal of Sex Research found at Taylor and Francis Online https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00224499.2017.1293603?journalCode=hjsr20
[2] Sex and Aging from Health Line (Points on inadequate sex and what happens to men and women as well as staying sexually fit) http://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex-and-aging#overview1
Author

Kendal Williams

Kendal Williams is a real life sex and relationship educator, abundance coach, author, mother of 7 and lover of life. She is known for

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